Commercial Chaos

Cadillac DTS

2007-02-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

So you're Cadillac and you have an image problem. You're viewed as a car manufacturer for old people. You try to change that perception with the Escalade and the CTS and you do a good job. You then go ahead and do this. With the emphasis placed on the young guys, I'm guessing that this commercial was supposed to appeal to a younger crowd. Why then would Cadillac introduce the golfing retirees and have them drive the same car? Say you're 30, would you want to be driving the same car as your father? If this was aimed at an older crowd, why directly compare them to a younger generation? In this case, the juxtaposition of old and young just doesn't work. The old folks in the commercial make the young potential customers feel too old and the young actors make the older viewers feel even older.

I think that we can also forget about the aspiration (or objects of desire) theme here. Sure, younger people do aspire to have money and drive nice cars. Unfortunately, those nice cars (usually BMW, Mercedes) have younger looks, are seen as wealth symbols and aren't already viewed as being for older folks.

Hummer

2007-02-20T21:46:00.000-05:00

Just a thought: GM probably shouldn't be associating its Hummer vehicles with large, sluggish monsters who destroy the world, what with the brand's current image and bad environmental press.

Kern-Hill Furniture Co-Op

2007-02-18T00:07:00.000-05:00

My eyes! Who knew that commercials could induce epileptic seizures? It might be a good idea to give the viewer a chance to read the flashing text before switching to something else. At one point you had the old man on the screen, changing backgrounds, scrolling text, still text and flashing text, all at the same time.

Outrageous Audio

2007-02-16T17:22:00.000-05:00

Well, if I ever need to torture someone with Ludovico's technique (think Clockwork Orange or this scene from a recent Lost episode), I now know which video to use. Between the Sony logo flashes and the all night long girls, this would drive anyone mad. This guy actually gives Crazy Gideon a run for his money. I'm surprised he didn't throw in a line about buying a Sony stereo, if you really love your car.

1-800-2 Sell Homes, part 2

2007-02-14T00:22:00.000-05:00

How much would you realistically expect 1-800-2 Sell Homes to buy your house for if they can't even afford to air a decent commercial? I mean geez, throw a couple hundred bucks at some out of work actors and they'll, at the very least, make those lines sound better. This commercial definitely beats the one we've taken a look at before, that you can find here. By the way, why does the guy try to dial the number at the end of the commercial? He's already in the 1-800-2 Sell Homes office, for crying out loud!

KFC

2007-02-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

Who knew that chicken could make you feel so excited? The product itself is a neat idea but the actors and their jingle draw all of the viewer's attention away from it. A simple ad explaining the benefits of the Mix 'n' Match formula would've been so much more persuasive than a ridiculous jingle and over the top acting.

Collins College

2007-02-10T15:14:00.000-05:00

Good thing that the training at Collins College takes less time than people think or else these two wouldn't have enough time to develop the game as well as test the freaking thing before the release date. What is it with these delusional computer gaming commercials? Does anyone actually buy that this is the job they'll be getting when they graduate? I'm still not sure if this commercial is as bad as the one from Westwood College. At least there's no boss asking these guys to code another game as if it were as easy as baking a pie.

Eagle Insurance

2007-02-08T14:42:00.000-05:00

Who's bright idea was this? I honestly expected a turd to come out of the bird halfway through the commercial, which would perfectly describe the acting and production budget. What about the total lack of contact information? No phone number, no address. They even forgot to give out the name of business (Eagle Insurance). Local ads always deliver.

Apple - Macintosh Office - Worst Super Bowl Commercials

2007-02-07T01:13:00.000-05:00

Everybody raves about the 1984 Apple commercial and it is still one of the best Super Bowl ads ever created but few people remember the horrendous spot that Apple ran the following year. Unlike the 1984 commercial, there's no uplifting climax in this Macintosh Office ad, just a confused looking employee who doesn't know whether to jump or not. All in all, this was just a depressing Super Bowl commercial with no real payoff. By the way, if your job makes you want to jump off a cliff, some fancy spreadsheet probably won't make you come in off the ledge. Apple didn't run another Super Bowl commercial until 1999.

Flomax - Worst Super Bowl Commercials

2007-02-05T01:42:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Flomax! You just spent 20 seconds or roughly a third of your commercial telling people how much your product will harm them. It comes out to around 1.7 million dollars. That's money well spent. You don't have to worry about brand name recognition because your commercial was stuck between talking CGI animals and people finding new ways to hurt themselves, so I'm guessing that nobody paid attention. Do you really think that the guy who can't control his bladder is going to shush everyone at a Super Bowl party in order to pay attention to your 1 minute spot?

Chevy HHR - Worst Super Bowl Commercials

2007-02-05T01:29:00.000-05:00

Not only did Chevy disgust roughly nine tenths of the audience watching the Super Bowl, but they also manage to label their HHR a chick car. They come out and say that guys can't keep their hands off the car, implying that men will go crazy for it, and what do you have inside the car? Yep, three women. Nice way to confuse your audience, Chevy.

GM - Worst Super Bowl Commercials

2007-02-05T01:16:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner for most depressing Super Bowl XLI commercial. Typically, Super Bowl commercials try to make people laugh, not cry or ponder their sad lives. I get the whole dedicated to quality theme but GM should've picked a less sympathetic figure than that poor machine. Viewers probably felt sorry for the thing and in turn were upset at GM for throwing it out. On a side note, do downsized GM employees go through the same grieving process?

Taco Bell Steak Grilled Taquitos - Worst Super Bowl Commercials

2007-02-05T01:01:00.000-05:00

Oh look, talking CGI animals. We've never seen that before! We get it, taking animals are cute. Now please move on to another trend and hammer it into our brains until we can't take it anymore. Seriously, was someone paid to come up with the concept? At what point did Taco Bell say "the Chihuahua's become a bit boring, let's do lions instead"?

Don's Guns

2007-02-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

Don just loves to rent guns and he doesn't care what you do with them. Just make sure that you wipe off your fingerprints before bringing your gun back. Do the cops just haul off his inventory once a month to check each gun against crimes committed during that period?

Eyetech Productions

2007-01-31T17:48:00.000-05:00

Eyetech takes video production "to the next level". That next level seems to include half-men walking randomly through the ad. It might also be a good idea to look into the camera next time when taking about pride.

1-800-2 Sell Homes

2007-01-29T13:49:00.000-05:00

Don't be surprised when your house stays on the market for a couple of years, if 1-800-2 Sell Homes puts as much effort and energy into unloading it as they do in their commercials. There's another problem with this commercial. What does 1-800-2 Sell Homes actually do? Do they sell your house? Do they buy your house? Do they turn it into a brothel? They forgot to mention what they really do.

Lada

2007-01-26T13:42:00.000-05:00

Does this mean that the Russian army is as reliable as this horribly outdated Lada model or are we supposed to associate the crippling shortage of funds the Russian army has with the Lada brand?

Marie France Bodyline

2007-01-22T21:16:00.000-05:00

Is this an ad for tigers, Hummers or some sort of car wash soap? It's actually a commercial for Marie France Bodyline, a weight loss center. You could've fooled me, what with all that screeching from the annoying tigers and the thumping beat. By the way, how does publicly comparing your target customers to elephants make them want to join your service? There are differences between trying to make someone feel guilty about their weight and ridiculing them.

Kalevi näts

2007-01-19T12:58:00.000-05:00

Estonians have a really short attention span, it seems. How else would you explain the closeups of people putting a stick of gum in their mouths every 15 seconds? Bonus points for the singer and his gang. Why didn't they just have them perform during the show that was being watched by all the gum chewers, instead of keeping them in a recording studio? I thought I was watching a clip from Band Aid mixed in with a commercial for gum.

Pepto-Bismol

2007-01-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

Apart from curing heartburn, diarrhea and an upset stomach, it seems that Pepto-Bismol also comes in handy after you've dropped some acid.

Crazy Gideon's

2007-01-16T12:53:00.000-05:00

If you love your kids, you'll buy them a Playstation. Guilt does work in advertising but not when you have a crazy Israeli yelling at you. This commercial screams boosted equipment as well. I mean a computer for $69.95? The yelling really doesn't help. It seems as though Gideon is trying to unload his stuff as fast as possible before it breaks down in the store. The low prices might be one thing but the electronics look like crap and the shopping experience can't be all that great if what you see in the commercial is any indication of how the store and salespeople are.

Westwood College

2007-01-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

Who knew that being a game designer could be so fun? Programmers can apparently pop out a few console games a day by themselves. I guess you learn something knew every day. Did someone at Westwood College even bother looking at this commercial or was the goal here to simply present the most unrealistic work environment imaginable and con a maximum number of people into joining the school?

Domestic Violence PSAs

2007-01-13T01:54:00.000-05:00

Domestic violence isn't funny but these two Canadian PSAs are so over the top that you can't help but chuckle. It's one thing to go for shock value but these ads go above and beyond that, making you think that you're watching some sort of sketch or parody.

Century 21

2007-01-11T13:25:00.000-05:00

How uncomfortable is this ad? The husband was practically forced to buy the house at gunpoint. Buy a house or sleep on the couch for weeks. Is this really how you'd want to make one of the biggest decisions of your life? Don't worry, it's OK because Suzanne from Century 21 researched the house. Yeah, Suzanne sure does come across as reassuring in this commercial. The poor sap was practically double teamed by his domineering wife and the money grabbing real estate agent.

Check Into Cash

2007-01-09T01:28:00.000-05:00

Looks like Check Into Cash didn't have the enough money to replace those ugly green screens. I guess they couldn't just Check Into Cash to pay for real sets and actors. Apparently it's also OK to take financial advice from the guy standing behind you at the grocery counter.

Microsoft

2007-01-09T01:23:00.000-05:00

Not the kind of production values you'd expect from a Microsoft ad, even in 1995.

Lamisil

2007-01-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

Just the thing you want to see if you happen to be watching TV while eating. The commercial does a good job of communicating the benefits of the product but were you still paying attention after Digger yanked that toenail off during the first few seconds?

Chevrolet

2007-01-05T11:16:00.000-05:00

Cause you're not a patriotic American unless you own a Chevrolet. How about Chevrolet using Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and 9/11 to sell trucks? This seems to be the follow up to the Like a Rock commercials, which means that we have about 10 more years of John Mellencamp during every football game.

PC Express

2007-01-05T11:09:00.000-05:00

Quick, someone call child protection services! If the girl drops her crayons, will the dad knock her out?

Chickaroo

2007-01-03T14:38:00.000-05:00

If there's one thing that increases my appetite, it's black and white footage of my food being slaughtered. I honestly don't know if this is a parody or not. All I know is that the actor in this commercial is Adam Fellbur and he did do some work for Chickaroo, according to his website.

New Kids on the Block

2007-01-03T13:27:00.000-05:00

You just can't be a real New Kids on the Block fan if you don't own all the dolls and their accessories. See, commercials can be educational as well. This one teaches materialism at such a young age.

Prusakolep

2006-12-25T13:31:00.000-05:00

Gotta love those old East European commercials that aired just after the fall of communism.

Fobizan

2006-12-22T19:08:00.000-05:00

Is it any wonder why Hungarian kids are tougher than their North American counterparts?

Hoffpauir-Shrader

2006-12-21T17:21:00.000-05:00

Some commercials can afford good looking cheerleaders. Others, not so much. You get the feeling that someone rounded up all of the owner's niece's friends for this spot.

Norton Furniture

2006-12-21T17:17:00.000-05:00

Always make sure that your spokesperson isn't about to cough out a lung during your commercial.

M&M's Encourages Steroid Use

2006-12-21T02:03:00.000-05:00

This is probably what a conversation between a young Barry Bonds and a young Mark McGwire would have looked like. I apologize for the poor video quality.

Kraft Crumbles

2006-12-19T18:12:00.000-05:00

You'd think that Kraft reinvented the wheel with the enthusiasm accompanying this Crumbles commercial. The surviving members of the band EMF actually got back together to re-record their song. They probably figured they only had to split the royalties four ways instead of five. Michael Buffer's famous boxing line was also updated to fit the product. It's just cheese. How great can it really be?

Super Soaker Oozinator

2006-12-19T17:53:00.000-05:00

Major pumping required for the gun to shoot its load. Does the Hasbro exec who greenlighted this still have a job? If regular acting doesn't work out, that second kid can easily transition into adult films if you ask me.

AYDS

2006-12-19T01:18:00.000-05:00

As you can imagine, the brand didn't do too well as AIDS awareness grew. The company did try to boost sales and counter the effect of the AIDS virus by introducing a new product called Diet Ayds. True story.

Why take diet pills when you can enjoy Ayds?

Kanahakkliha

2006-12-18T23:42:00.000-05:00

Care to guess whether this Estonian ad was a commercial for chicken minced meat or if it was actually a Peta spot? I love the multiple shots of a nice healthy chicken that are meant to drive home the point that you were actually eating a real animal and not some chemical whatchamacallit. I believe that the company responsible for this product was also the one behind this erotic ice cream spot. Kana, Kana, Kana!

Ice Cream Erotica

2006-12-18T23:27:00.000-05:00

There's nothing wrong about alternating shots of sexually suggestive ice cream licking and a little girl. Nothing wrong at all, if you're a pedophile. They could've just left out the child and made a decent and somewhat funny commercial. Well, at least they managed to create a commercial that could be aired during both prime time and Saturday morning cartoons.

Nintendo Cereal

2006-12-18T23:16:00.000-05:00

Catchy tune but why does every Nintendo commercial feature the prototypical nerd? Apparently the kids needed to wear cardboard television hats to drive home the point that they were actually in the game. If your cereal looks like crap, it's probably not a good idea to show the shapes included in the box. Hell, Mario, Link and their pixelated friends looked ten times better than whatever the hell Nintendo decided to put in its cereal packages. Anyone care to explain why Mario changes colors in cereal form?

Vern Fonk Insurance

2006-12-18T23:03:00.002-05:00

Wow! Would you buy insurance from that guy? This is about a 12 on a 10-point creepiness scale. Why do I get the feeling that someone behind the camera is pointing a shotgun at the rest of the family? Remember to honk when you drive by Vern Fonk.

Gateway Rap

2006-12-18T22:28:00.000-05:00

Hurray for white people rapping! This '80s trend isn't limited to kids selling toys either as this Gateway commercial proves. All it took was one company to come out with rapping white people and everybody jumped on the bandwagon. SNL's Lazy Sunday sketch wasn't that original if think about it. It would've been just an average commercial 20 years earlier.

Nintendo's Zelda

2006-12-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

Child actors strike again. They're a bit older this time but just as annoying. The Beastie Boys started a trend in the '80s where lots of commercials aimed at kids featured bad actors attempting to rap. It wasn't meant to be a joke either. They were rapping about how good the product was supposed to be and they truly meant it. Were they going for comedy with the guy dressed up as the typical nerd? Would seeing that guy raving about Zelda actually make you want to buy the game? Nintendo had good commercials for the NES. This isn't one of them.

Sanford Brown Medical Institute

2006-12-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

Hey, you don't have to go to school to work on someone's heart! How would you like to be staring at one of Sanford Brown's graduates when they're about to crack open your chest? OK, so they only take your vital readings and pass them along to your doctor. Would you want one of these individuals to be responsible for conducting the tests that led to your quadruple bypass? There is such a thing as having a commercial lend credibility to your product or service. This one doesn't.

Goya Nectar Pops

2006-12-17T22:38:00.000-05:00

Goya's slogan (If it's Goya it has to be good) is almost as ridiculous as this ad. By the way, is there a quicker way than using child actors to cheapen a commercial? I understand having to find someone that looks like your target audience but man! If you can't find one decent actor, don't decide to cast 8 horrendous ones instead. Gotta love the multicultural element as well. Were they going for one kid of every race to match the flavors in the box?

Eastern Motors

2006-12-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

What can you say about this commercial? Production values on par with any local car dealership and yet they manage to get a plethora of sports stars to be in it. The song is hilariously bad as well. I was surprised to see Lavar Arrington not only carrying the commercial but getting through his part without a season ending injury.

Playstation 3 Baby Commercial

2006-12-17T22:08:00.000-05:00

If this commercial's main objective was to focus all of the viewer's attention on the creepy baby and none of it on the console, Sony did a damn good job.

Kent State University

2006-12-16T20:31:00.000-05:00

Did you learn anything about Kent State while watching this video? No? Did you even notice that it was an ad for a Kent State University program? I bet the only thing you noticed about the ad was the music. I'm still waiting for Dana to take off the lab coat in a seductive manner and flash me a come hither-look.

By the way, this ad isn't fake. Nobody fooled around with the soundtrack. The ad was actually produced by Kent State University's marketing program. I wonder what kind of students they churn out with such brilliant professors at the helm.

Sleep Center of the Southwest

2006-12-16T19:27:00.000-05:00

Think someone was asleep at the switch when they decided to use CGI in this commercial? The ad was making a decent case for the company, as much as cheaply produced local ads can, until the CGI scene that probably made you forget what service they were promoting in the first place. Such a pity that the graphics people didn't throw in a couple of explosions while they were at it, although that would've surely doubled the production budget.

Barbie

2006-12-16T19:16:00.000-05:00

This ad was moving along just fine until the 9 second mark. Now is it just me or did Barbie feed freshly excreted poop to her dog?

She-Ra & He-Man Public Service Announcement

2006-12-16T19:02:00.000-05:00

Gotta love any PSA featuring the most powerful man in the universe and his sister. If they were trying to get kids to come forward with their abuse stories, that probably failed at around the 16 second mark as He-Man tells the victims what to do, in an Uncle Sam (I Want You!) kind of way, not to mention having a guy in his underwear deliver the message.

Nice to see political correctness alive and well in the '80s. My minister or rabbi would have been proud.

Head On

2006-12-16T01:37:00.000-05:00

Watching this one probably made you want to apply a loaded shotgun directly to the forehead. They don't even bother to tell us what the product actually does. Head On: Buy it, apply it and find out for yourself.

It's been spoofed as well:

Waterbed Outlet

2006-12-16T01:20:00.000-05:00

That waterbed is bad, man! It's so bad, it's good. Bonus points for throwing in a Brady Bunch parody.

J & P Auto Mart

2006-12-16T01:05:00.000-05:00

Cheesy local aspect notwithstanding, who's bright idea was it to use a radioactive girl in this commercial? The not that model, this model thing gave us a serious case of whiplash. By the way, didn't it seem like they were always cutting to a cheaper vehicle every time they went to "this model"?

Hotels.com

2006-12-16T00:50:00.000-05:00

Talk about bad timing. The lady with the headset seemed so nice. Who knew that she was stealing your credit card info while they were filming?

EDS

2006-12-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

EDS was probably going for the wholewe work on improving your business as it grows theme. Actually, that's pretty much what they say in the commercial. Too bad the whole thing comes off as one company rushing an unfinished product to market and patching the thing after it’s been delivered. Was the scene with the workers parachuting out of the plane meant to symbolize how overworked programmers feel or maybe companies giving up and letting the public deal with a bad product? Seriously, how reassuring can a "customer" getting doused with hot coffee actually be? Luckily they stopped short of showing kids getting sucked out of the airplane.